Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Blood and glitter go together right?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
