Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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