I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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