I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
