I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
