Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
vagina is talking i cant
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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