Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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