I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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