He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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