I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
