So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
