I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
