My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
