I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
