Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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