I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
