I think I died a long time ago.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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