did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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