What did we do last night that was yellow?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
