At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Gay?
German.
Pity.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
