I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
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The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
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I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I believe in your delicious
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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