dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
