His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
