I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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