I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
