He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
