I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
