I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Those nachos came to me in a dream
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
