How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
