i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
