Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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