I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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