I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize