so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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