My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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