I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
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Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
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Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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