Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Can Purell be used as lube?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
