just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
