The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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