"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
