there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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