You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
