I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
