running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
