How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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