Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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