my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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