I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
