fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
