I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
