Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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