the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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