After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
