last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
