Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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