they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
