I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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