My nipple is on Facebook.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
