Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize