wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
