i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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