im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
