dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
