he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
