i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
