You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
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I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize