i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
