Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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