He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
