whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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