I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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