she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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