I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize