I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
